45 Years, One Marriage, One Mission: A Few Things We’ve Learned (the Hard Way)

A couple weeks ago, Lynn and I had the privilege of sharing our story with our Red Rocks Church family. 45 years of marriage. That number still surprises me… probably because I still feel like we’re figuring it out most days.

Here’s the truth:
We didn’t get here by accident.
We didn’t get here because we’re perfect.
We got here because we’ve learned—sometimes the hard way—what it means to lean in, stay faithful, and keep God at the center.

For those of you navigating marriage, leadership, parenting, or just trying to stay sane in a noisy world, here’s a handful of lessons that have served us well:

✔️ Submit to strengths. Protect weaknesses.

I married a strong woman—and that’s a gift. But it took me a few years (okay, maybe decades) to realize her strengths don’t compete with mine—they complete me. Leaders, this applies to your teams too.

✔️ Words matter.

Early on, in the heat of an argument, Lynn threw out the word “divorce.” I stopped her and said, “We’re never using that word again.” Not a threat, just a boundary. 45 years later, we still honor that.

✔️ Thriving is seasonal.

We’ve had thriving seasons… and seasons where we were just surviving. Marriage, leadership, parenting—they all move in cycles. What matters is that you stay committed through every season.

✔️ Conflict isn’t failure. Avoidance is.

We still argue. In fact, we had a knockdown, drag-out disagreement last week. The difference now? We lean in. We give space when needed. But we don’t sweep things under the rug.

✔️ Marriage isn’t the mission—it has a mission.

God didn’t bring us together just to be comfortable. He brought us together to live on mission. Whether it’s inviting someone to church, encouraging a young couple, or bringing people to Jesus, our marriage has a purpose beyond us.

And to the younger leaders reading this—hoping to marry and have a relationship like Lynn and I have developed—here’s my unsolicited advice: Get in the game. You’re not going to meet your future wife standing with your bros by the coffee cart. Trust me.

Leadership and marriage have more in common than we think.

Both require conviction, character, competence, and covenant. (Yes, I snuck The Four Leadership Necessities in here… I can’t help myself.)

Lynn and I are far from perfect, but 45 years in, I can say this with confidence:

✔️ God is faithful.
✔️ Your best days are still ahead.
✔️ And the mission is worth it.

Thanks to our Red Rocks family for letting us share our story—and to all of you committed to building strong marriages, strong teams, and a life of purpose… keep going.

We’ve got more work to do.

Here’s my question for you, leader:Where in your life—marriage, parenting, or leadership—do you need to lean in when everything in you wants to lean out?